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[angrycrabnoises]

TO WHICHEVER COMPLETE IGNORAMUSES THOUGHT THEY’D TRY THEIR ALREADY ROTTEN LUCK IN CONTACTING ME, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE JUST REACHED THE MOST HEINOUS ASSHOLE ON A SHIP ENTIRELY FULL OF HEINOUS ASSHOLES.

YOU WILL BE STUCK WITH PRESENT KARKAT, BECAUSE UNFORTUNATELY WE ONLY GET ONE APPLICATION ON HERE AND IT ISN’T TROLLIAN. SO IF YOU WANT TO JUSTIFIABLY YELL AT PAST KARKAT FOR WHATEVER DIPSHIT MISTAKES HE’S ABOUT TO PULL, OR IF YOU WANT FUTURE KARKAT’S VAGUE MUMBLINGS IMPLYING HORRIBLE SHIT THAT HASN’T HAPPENED YET BUT HE CAN NEVER BE BOTHERED TO TELL YOU HOW TO ACTUALLY STOP IT, THEN SORRY, I’LL JUST HAVE TO PASS THE BIG MIDDLE FINGER ALONG TO THEM FOR YOU.

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[angrycrabnoises]

[Once Karkat is finally emotionally capable of leaving his bed, he stumbles over the gift basket on his way to the shower.]

SHIT. FUCK. DAMN.

[He looks through the gifts. The candies are all bright red. There is also a wooden green sign that says “Slowly & Quietly Please,” as well as a coffee mug that he somehow already broke. Whoever set this gift up must fucking hate him, he thinks.]

[Later on, the sign can be found on his wall.]